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.​.​.​in Green

by Oui Ennui

/
1.
Dew 00:56
2.
If everyday were yesterday I'd always have some money left In its place I've got regrets I really can't afford this breath Its just as well is just a sigh At wasted time pondering why We live again...only to die Comfortable in the wool That We are swearing by...and... ALL THE GRASS IS GREEN! I am not alone Though sometimes it feels that way I am leaving home...it Feels more familiar away We are not at odds We both love the sound of your voice Let's pretend it's hard Let's pretend there's a choice Don't you go lookin puzzled Instead would you riddle me this For an ignorant suitor or sucker Would you spare me the bliss or the kiss I am not alone Though sometimes it feels that way I am leaving home...it Feels more familiar away
3.
You asked me what I'd do If you left Well I'd be blue And call up Lyla for the Lack of a Better Lover A penny for your thoughts I overpaid You've overstayed Your welcome too Somebody ought to thank your mother Or shove her apparently I love the punishment And trust you like the government You claiming if I don't vote Well then I can't complain I feel another way And just to clarify You and me are together why? You hate everything I do And most of what I say But you won't go away I think I've had my fill I'm underwhelmed It's overkill You said it was a bitter pill It sure fits the bill Well I regurgitate
4.
Something just landed on me I do not think it was a bee Or a C But I think that it was telling me to flee From ye Someone just called out my name I don't think it is a game But I think it is the same As throwing my brain On the roulette wheel How can you feel numb When the dumb say the blind Can see the deaf’s point of view Hearing to you all day -Cardinal Bluejay- 2X Some foe who knows where I live Took initiative to act all RoyGBiv Should I get Bell Devoe With the words I know Or float away Sometimes a bird in the hand Isn’t worth a damn so I let it fly Then ran with aplomb into the bush Dreaming of the city and A place to stay How can you feel numb When the dumb say the blind Can see the deaf’s point of view Hearing to you all day -Cardinal Bluejay- 2X Do you know how it feels to drown in oxygen? Well share it with the class All the plants will someday turn to Rocks again Cause living doesn't last No living no no Now you know how it feels to drown in oxygen? Well share it with the class All the plants will someday turn to Rocks again Cause living doesn't last No living does not last
5.
6.
The light is seeping in But don't you dare burrow Your brain's not beneath your chin Why is your brow furrowed? If you want to stay alive It's time to dive Just pull your life inside And count to 5....hundred thousand INSIDE OF THE SHELL You will be safe INSIDE OF THE SHELL You can melt away INSIDE OF THE SHELL Everything is gray INSIDE OF THE SHELL Its always today INSIDE OF THE SHELL Everyone is sane INSIDE OF THE SHELL It never rains INSIDE OF THE SHELL You won't be afraid INSIDE OF THE SHELL You're in the shade INSIDE OF THE SHELL You will be safe INSIDE OF THE SHELL You can melt away INSIDE OF THE SHELL Everything is gray INSIDE OF THE SHELL Its always today I'll never hear you talk I'll never see you walk I'll never feel you swim I'll never know if you live
7.
8.
Karmann Ghia 03:53
What you know can save us Please be brave You've been told That you're different from us It's true But only in that we love you And if I've never told you you beautiful before I'm telling you right now And if I've never told how I love it when you're around I'm letting you know how 2x What you've learned can kill you Please be smart You've been warned it'll blind you It's true Don't use your eyes Use your heart And if I've never told you you beautiful before I'm telling you right now And if I've never told how I love it when you're around I'm letting you know how 2x
9.
It was the middle of the day When Rose awoke from her doze She'd only been out For a few she supposed But when she arose and got a gander At her nose It drooped much lower And she was appalled And my how the boys were tall So tall... She hardly recognized them at all She began to wonder if she'd suffered a fall But she could not recall... A rainy afternoon in May Was all that she could produce If pressed for the truth She'll say she's seen you before But more than that she could not say Without substantial delay Except that it was the month of May Or perhaps June... But she could only presume She said... YOU SLIPPED ME A MICKEY BUTI FEEL FINE YOU SEE I DID NOT LOSE IT I THREW AWAY MY MIND I WAS TRYING TO FORGET!!!
10.
The sun took a nap Freezing rain Walk against the wind But I'm goin' with the grain Nothing in my billfold But my I.D. I'm too old to ride the bus for free Hole in my sock Fuzz on my beard From a scarf on my neck Wool sure feels weird Seeing my breath Running in place Pulling my hat 'Till it covers my face And this is the last recess of (f)all We'll measure your height on the kitchen wall Forget the big game Project due Mama said if it ain't one thing It's two Left all my thoughts on cruise control When now is vintage We'll be old And try to stay warm When the looks grow chill Can you still feel the beat When the heart goes still To remember joy like Sitting in swings And spend major time On the minor things And this is the last recess of (f)all Wrote your ex-lover's number On the bathroom stall
11.
Part one, you're planning some fun For holiday Cut to: a bomb in your shoe (or so they say) Take your time with your confession Was the bag in your possession always? State your name and your profession Make this inquisition pleasant please They teach you to believe what you are told From the time you're fifteen minutes old You grow up and then purchase what you're sold If all else fails they'll buy back all your gold (for a fee) Next scene, they stick you for the green, the legal way They filibust, and gain the public trust It's broadway At your request the your director's Sleeping with the private sector openly Beginning at the end, you call the same some change again and pat your back They teach you to believe what you are told From the time you're less than one year old You grow up and then buy what you are sold If all else fails they'll buy back all your gold (for a fee) And say "the market's free"
12.
You've left me alone In a Stone Honeycomb Through hexagonal tombs I roam And we've done the dance But the nectar's run dry And you've had your chance No more will we fly
13.
14.

about

•IN•ALL•THINGS•GRATITUDE•

“When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love…” - Marcus Aurelius

“I'd woken up early, and I took a long time getting ready to exist.” - Fernando Pessoa

“What if you already great and the only one not yet catching on?”- Leigh

“Sometimes to get to the beginning, you must start at the end…” - me just now tryna be deep ‘n shit

This might seem like a pivot, but it’s really a rhizome.

“I've found a reason to keep on going
It's satisfaction in never knowing
The disappointment of constant hoping
Measured heckling I'm not joking
To point at ridiculous more than meticulous well in particular
Sleeve ventricular
The lesson unlearned from page unturned
The same mistake to prompt this vision
But what if I were…in Green?”

One night after a conversation with my brother, in which he suggested I marry my girl of three years, at which i scoffed, my eyes slammed open, and I was hypnagogically jerked out of my sleep by the above passage. I’d been dreaming that I was writing a book about myself. Not an autobiography though. Like a biography…but about myself. The book was already published though. It had a glossy paper jacket and everything. I opened it, and on the inside flap, the passage (or something close) was written. I jumped up and ran to my studio, the dream memory fading with each step, to write it down. The last line haunted me then and sometimes still does. What if I were…in Green?

Quasi-recently I’ve been revisiting a thought I’ve had semi-regularly since having that dream: I’ve spent all this time trying to figure out *who* I am, and not nearly enough trying to figure out *how* I am.

After proposing to my shawty on NYE, we were married on 4/20/2010, and moved to Chicago 6/1/2020. We were newlyweds, but far from happily married. We were broke, didn’t really know anyone here, and largely incompatible. In spite of, or perhaps thusly, I was inspired (musically) to revisit my chicken scratch nocturnal self-dictation. What did I *mean* by …in Green???

•THIS•THAT•IS•NOT•

Who was I? Why was I? How was I? FuzzyWuzzy was a bear, hair or not. That was at least a start. I began writing. I was trying to say something, but I didn’t know what. All day, everyday, I had that feeling in my stomach you get when it’s the last period of the last day of school. The main difference being there was no purgative analog to sprinting full speed from class to a months long reprieve. The feeling wouldn’t go away. It was a fractal Shepard Tone of anxiety. I wasn’t being me properly, but I didn’t know where the problem was or what to augment, truncate, or adjust. So I kept re-reading the passage, and let the songs, musically and topically, come as they may.

I “finished” the album in the fall of 2011, about a year before my ex-wife informed me of her new and permanent status. I tried to save our union, but I am not a penitentiary; anyone who is with me does so voluntarily and at their pleasure. I didn’t know it at the time, but I wrote my “divorce album” both prior to my divorce and within our mutual (70/30 I’d guess) ignorance of the future. To be clear, I was by no means a flawless spouse, but having grown up a witness to a bad marriage that still persists (55 years this month), I had no plans of exiting.

It turned out I had written not a book, but an album about myself. Not an autobiographical album…but like a biography…about me.

Why was I trying to be a different me? A version, an iteration, a reasonable facsimile thereof, distilled from and for whom? To what end?

I’m still not sure what I meant by “…in Green”, and don’t know that I know who I am any better than 12 years ago. I most definitely know *how* I am these days. I’m a gentle lentil. I’m an imperfect circle. I temper the self-loathing with compassion for the kid. I love myself and I’m learning to like me too. Progress is a process. Praxis makes perfect. What is green? Yellow + Blue. 1 + 1 = 3. 1 + 1 = <3? What is love? Baby don’t hurt me no more.

In two weeks I shall commemorate my 45th summer (in a row!), and my mother’s concession that the third time was a charm, and she needn’t make anymore people. I continue to spin many artistic plates, but it felt like the right time to end my Horton Hears a Who!-ing of this particular egg. The last thirteen years in Chicago and the last three with you have been a stone groove.

A few technical tidbits about (doodads) and *shit-fits*: “…in Green” was written and recorded between July 2009 and September 2011. I no longer have the actual files, only the stereo prints from my old iTunes library. Thusly the recordings, which were really demos, are pretty rough. I’ve included all the lyrics and a brief inspiration for each song if that’s your bag. Back in those days, I was really into gapless albums, so this does work best as one continuous listen. I've included a mixed continuous version if it so pleases thee. The songs were written and recorded in the order they are sequenced on the album. Please enjoy.

Be kind to yourself, be gentle to others. 😘

-oui

credits

released August 4, 2023

This album was made with my trusty Mexican Strat, Fender Dobro Resonator, my father's nylon string classical acoustic, a Squire P-Bass, some pedals I can’t remember, and whatever version of Ableton was out in 2009-2011.

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Oui Ennui Chicago, Illinois

Synthesist.
Mammal.
Jean's Son.

Avant-Gaurdian.
Non-diasporic AfroFuturism.
Black Classical Music.

This That Is Not.

Music you can smell.
... more

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